A preeetty good start~ ^^_ esspecially for some1ne doing all of this on their own :p I can certainly tell that xou have a penchant for storytelling UwU xou've got a lot of great ideas, so I would really like to see them brought to life in the way that they deserve :)
The 1irst thing I advise xou to imporove upon is the inner dialogue box. It's a bit difficult to understand when Greebent is speaking to himself and when he's speaking outloud :/ perhaps xou could change the shape of the name box? Or maybe even remove the name box all together? :3
2econdly, I'd ask that xou postedit everything that xou've written so far. While I was able to get the overall vibe xou're going for, some scenes could benefit from being fleshed out a bit more. I do understand that English not being xour primary language could contribute to things getting lost in translation, but a bit of fine tuning never hurts :) I think xou'll find that going over everything xou've written will not just help with describing xour story better, but it will certainly help xou grow as a writer UwU
I really do think that xou have something good going here :D the story is fun, the lore is extremely creative, and I'm really interested to know the characters on a more personal level~ ;) I think xou've done a fine ass job so far, so keep at it! n__n/
I was scared by the fact that he didn't understand himself when he thought and when he spoke. I think I'll make his internal dialogue box more different so that it stands out.
Yes, the dialogues were complicated for me xD I had to change many things that from Spanish to English would not make sense, but I will consult with a friend who does speak it quite fluently.
I will give another good review to all the dialogues and try to make them clearer. In the second update I hope to have it resolved or at least a little clearer.
Again thank you very much xD you solved two of my biggest doubts, now I know where I should work more.
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Now that I think about it when I saw the main character from the beginning to the end it's not a very easy life I hope we can see his life improve :/
honestly it's too incredible nothing to say I can't wait to see what happens next, take your time to do your work hehehe^^
A preeetty good start~ ^^_ esspecially for some1ne doing all of this on their own :p I can certainly tell that xou have a penchant for storytelling UwU xou've got a lot of great ideas, so I would really like to see them brought to life in the way that they deserve :)
The 1irst thing I advise xou to imporove upon is the inner dialogue box. It's a bit difficult to understand when Greebent is speaking to himself and when he's speaking outloud :/ perhaps xou could change the shape of the name box? Or maybe even remove the name box all together? :3
2econdly, I'd ask that xou postedit everything that xou've written so far. While I was able to get the overall vibe xou're going for, some scenes could benefit from being fleshed out a bit more. I do understand that English not being xour primary language could contribute to things getting lost in translation, but a bit of fine tuning never hurts :) I think xou'll find that going over everything xou've written will not just help with describing xour story better, but it will certainly help xou grow as a writer UwU
I really do think that xou have something good going here :D the story is fun, the lore is extremely creative, and I'm really interested to know the characters on a more personal level~ ;) I think xou've done a fine ass job so far, so keep at it! n__n/
owo thank you very much for the observations.
I was scared by the fact that he didn't understand himself when he thought and when he spoke. I think I'll make his internal dialogue box more different so that it stands out.
Yes, the dialogues were complicated for me xD I had to change many things that from Spanish to English would not make sense, but I will consult with a friend who does speak it quite fluently.
I will give another good review to all the dialogues and try to make them clearer. In the second update I hope to have it resolved or at least a little clearer.
Again thank you very much xD you solved two of my biggest doubts, now I know where I should work more.
Happy to help~ <3 always nice to have a new and interesting VN :)